I woke up this morning feeling a little depressed.  Three of my four kids are visiting their "other parents" in other states, and that just added to an already diminished sense of worth in my own abilities as a father.  I feel like I am one of the most selfish people alive, and my kids suffer as a result.  Sadly, I know what it's like growing up ( Read more... )

I took some time yesterday to read "the book", which is a collection of all the LJ entries, letters and text messages I saved from two years ago when Monica and I began the communication that eventually led to my proposal.  I am...utterly...amazed at things we said to each other, and how early on ... and how precisely accurate we were about each ( Read more... )

I think a relationship is defined not by your "good times", but by how you handle the conflicts that arise between you.

Monica and I are both extremely hard-headed, stubborn, and opinionated.  The universe should never have brought two self-reliant, independent, controlling human beings like us together.  Sometimes, I wonder if the two of us might ( Read more... )

The struggle is within, and I see that now, more than ever.

The war is against myself, not her defense mechanisms.

When I feel weak, I tend to recess within myself, hoping she will step across the chasm and pull me back.  That's what I want her to do, and she knows that, but she has sustained too much damage in her past to be able to.  My ( Read more... )

"I hope next year is a lot better."

There's no worse feeling than disappointing her, especially when I wouldn't know what to do differently even if I had the chance to go back in time and relive the day.  It's a desperate, helpless feeling, that sense of being so out of touch with what she needs, with realizing whatever it is she did need, it wasn ( Read more... )

Sometimes I crash ( Read more... )

Maybe it's the alcohol
but i doubt it

afterall, I feel this way every moment of every day, I just can't always express it

And I haven't drank that much anyway. Just enough to bring me to this journal while she sleeps, while she lies there, beautiful and serene....while I am plagued with consciousness.  And all I really want is to be [inside] ( Read more... )

Rain is pouring down outside my window, and my allergies are making my eyes feel like I've been sprayed with mace.  I could have used more sleep, or at least a few shots of espresso intravenously.  It's Friday, but even that is no consolation, just means I'm closer to a full day home with the 3 monsters running around.  And Monica put McDonald's ( Read more... )